the wait

i called seattle university today and they said that all those who are wait-listed are being reviewed this week and next, meaning i will receive my decision by the end of this week or next. i can't believe it has taken this long. i suppose that they have been waiting to get back deposits from everyone that did get accepted and whatever is left over will go to us crappy applicants who are on the wait list. that sucks. i'm sick of waiting and not knowing what is going to happen. i really hope i don't have to begin applying to other schools. that whole process is really crappy and takes a lot of time and effort.

been thinking a lot about opportunity. we all have opportunities sometimes through crazy luck and sometimes through simple hard work. a select few will work harder than most are willing to and rise from the masses. these opportunities can lead to power, fame, and wealth. for most americans however, middle-class is it. there is hope that the prefix “upper” will some day be added to that middle-class status, however for most it’s just an ordinary job making $40 - $50k; the backbone of this country, and i want no part of it. there is so much pressure out there to be successful and to really do something with my life. i wish i had really tried in high school and had some goals back then. maybe if i had some goals or support to make something of myself, life would be a little easier on me today. why didn't anyone talk to me about college or my future back then? i tell you what, counselors at standley lake high school are worthless now that i look back on my lack of experiences with them. hopefully things have changed. i'm not really sure why my parents were never really around to help me with college and career choices. i suppose they worked too much and didn't know themselves how to handle that subject. it's easy to put blame on the environment i grew up in and the shitty school i attended, but i realize much of the fault lies with me. i'm a little premature in saying this, but i'm a big boy and have no one to blame but myself. maybe. i had opportunities to prepare, but nothing ever came along that was life changing. i think. things could have worked out this way or that, but they didn't. all the time i see people on tv that are my age or slightly older and who are doing so much with their life already. it's not unreasonable that they are in the positions they are in, but it just sucks seeing it. i have no idea where my life is headed right now and that sucks worst of all. no, what is crappiest of all is that my failures don't just affect me but also kim and any little chambers kids in the future. so much is riding on me and i feel like i've just wasted over three years of my life. all i ever see are actors, athletes, newscasters, successful business men and women, and politicians. they all had successful opportunities. have mine passed? don't tell me that they also had their fair share of failures and that i will have so many more opportunities to come. i realize that, however i'm at such a crucial point in my life and it doesn't seem to be going in the right direction. maybe i should just stop watching so much tv. i guess i should just learn to be content with this middle class way of living, because i'm afraid that is as far as i can go.

Junebug (2005): of course i don't remember much about this movie. i saw it two weeks ago by the recommendations of my two favorite saturday evening critics. the story is about a newly married husband and wife that visit his family for the first time, whom she has never met. the family is the southern/redneck type (but not too extreme) and the wife is "city folk." the movie focuses on the wife's interactions with her new in-laws, but especially with the wife of her brother-in-law who is very pregnant and quite quirky. it's a smaller scaled drama filled with many really good moments. every character in the movie is deep, complex, and well executed by the actors. one of my only complaints (that i can recall) was that there is very little interaction with the husband and wife. maybe that is intentional, but you also never see them prior to showing up on the family's doorstep. as the wife begins to really learn about her new husband as he becomes more himself around his family and the familiar surroundings, you start to wonder how these two ever hooked up. and strangely, the husband role and presence on film seems quite minimal compared to the rest of the fam. it's a little slow, but the great acting and really good and deep story makes it worth viewing. see it. on a side note, i would like to know how a movie is made with four executive producers and two producers. i don't understand why it would even need that many unless it is that random theory of mine about low-budget indi films. that's too bad i wasn't a movie fanatic back in the day. i wouldn't mind being one of those producers right about now.